What is that Smell and Where is My Mind??!!

Today marks Day 19 without a cigarette.  This is after 23 years of smoking and quitting cold turkey.


What is that Effing Smell and Where is my Mind?!?!?  This smell is all around me now. I can best describe the smell as a large bucket of gray dirty mop water that has been left behind in a closet for weeks! This entire building just reeks of this stench and I can’t seem to escape it!  I can even taste this stink now!  Was it always here? and why doesn’t anyone else seem to be bothered by it?!

I hate Monday mornings but what I hate even worse is being asked “So how was your weekend?” It shouldn’t be taking me this long to even recall what I was doing on both Saturday and Sunday, but I am frozen. I quickly lie and spat out some lame details about the city library, the public park and costume shopping….since those were all things I should have been doing with my family. Now I can remember. I am already back at my office when I remember very well what I was doing on both Saturday and Sunday. There is no way in hell I am admitting to anyone that I had spent both of those days in bed like Ewan McGregor’s character in the movie Trainspotting. That I am still in detox from my nicotine addiction after quitting cold turkey. How today I struggled to even get out of bed because the thought of starting an entirely new week without any emotional and/or physical progress is disheartening.

Today I almost forgot my wedding anniversary.  I can tell you my last 4 home addresses and home phone numbers but I can no longer hold a single solitary thought in my head.  I was preparing to make my family a dinner on Saturday afternoon when I discovered a tray sheet in my oven covered in already cooked french fries.  The tray and the fries were cold and I started to wonder just how long they had been there.  Uneaten cooked french fries were left abandoned in a cold oven.  Was this me?  I know for certain that I am the only person in this house turning the oven off and on.  So who could have done this?  When did it happen? and How? and better yet WHY?!!!!!

It’s now 1:30pm on this Monday and I am still no closer to solving the cold french fry in the oven mystery, and the air still stinks.

Cheers to HOPE!

Hoping that I find on Tuesday it will get a little bit easier with time.

…and hoping that Fry’s will have some Buffalo Bill on the shelf tonight!



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