Why I deleted my Periscope app

I first heard about this new social media platform on the Howard Stern show, but I didn’t download the app until my friend Oliver told me more about it. Oliver told me this story about a 20-something back east who wanted to show everyone how punk and grunge she was via her Periscope feed, and so he had convinced her to rip holes in her clothing, and the crazy part is that she actually obeyed! Oliver discovered a fun way to interact with Periscope news feeds and how to manipulate anyone while they were broadcasting, and that he felt people were pretty desperate for the likes/hearts. I still was not all that interested in checking the app out for myself until I had thought more about it. I was lying awake one night pondering what the desire was and what could a person actually gain from allowing strangers into their lives via a Periscope feed. The following day I was curious enough, and I downloaded the Periscope app on my smart phone.
The first time I had logged into the app I probably spent about 30 minutes online, and I was mainly searching for users. Each time I would click on a feed it had just ended, and I found this pretty frustrating. I eventually found myself over in Turkey where I was peeking into the homes of folks who were obviously drinking, dancing and having a good time. It was innocent enough but I still could not understand the desire of this app.
A couple of weeks pass and it was now a Saturday night when I decide to introduce my husband to this new app, but he seems pretty pissed when I tried explaining to him what it actually was. It really felt like he just wasn’t understanding the words that were coming out of my mouth, and I notice that he’s looking down at me with That Glare. You know, the one that tells me loud and clear that he is completely suspicious of this app and of my interest in it. I didn’t really get what his reaction was all about. I thought at first maybe he was just confused about how the app works so I keep repeating the words to him “They can’t see you, you can just see them.” He doesn’t believe me, or maybe his suspicion is just growing(?) Anyway, I forced him to watch me navigate through the app one Saturday night. There was nothing real exciting happening around the world. In Saudi Arabia there were a lot of men driving around town with their phone cameras pointed on them while they sang along with their music. It was boring, and weird. So I decided to check out the feeds in the USA. We ended up watching some drunk 20-somethings who were smoking cigarettes outside of a bar on the streets of Boston, MA. It was entertaining for about 2 minutes, until you realize they just want attention, and they want likes/hearts, and all they are doing is reading what people are typing to them. This is pretty weird, and boring so I logged off. My hubby just rolled his eyes at me.
The following weekend I was razzing my hubby when I said to him “Let’s see what’s hap’s on that Periscope again.” He’s annoyed, and he’s rolling his eyes at me but never looking up from playing some game on his phone. I start looking across the globe and I found a feed in France that has a TON of users logged in so I decide to check it out. The broadcast appears to be coming from inside of a bedroom, but there is no sound and there is no movement. This feed is receiving a TON of likes/hearts and the comments are all in foreign languages.  I am curious. There is absolutely nothing going on in here. What did I just miss? I can’t help it, I am now staring at my phone in complete silence, waiting. A minute or so passes when I begin to hear what I think is faint breathing, and it’s coming from the Periscope feed. I am studying the feed because nothing has changed, and it’s dark, but I think I can make something out. Is that somebody’s foot? Are they on a bed? Another minute passes and I don’t think I have blinked since I logged in to this feed. The likes/hearts have not stopped and I still can’t figure out what I am looking at. And then it happens. The user pans down to show me what everyone was so excited about and I gasp out loud and simultaneously I drop my phone, right in front of my husband. My hubby looks down at my phone, and then up at me while laughing and says “That’s what I thought.”  My phone is lying face up on the carpet of our bedroom floor in between us and there is a close up of a man’s naked crotch, and he’s got a handful of himself (if you know what I mean). His heavy breathing now ensues and it’s coming over loud and clear through his Periscope feed. I had paused in shock and disbelief for what my eyes were seeing for what felt like a full 5 minutes.  When I snap out of it I quickly snatch up my phone, exit the app and deleted it completely from my phone.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am no prude, but I sure as hell had no interest in trolling around the web for live feeds of international masturbation.  So how did my hubby know that just based on my explanation of this new social media platform that I would eventually be looking at some stranger’s wang? Better yet, why did this perv in France have to ruin the app for me?!
I suppose that is a big fat “Adieu, Periscope!” Just don’t say I didn’t warn you!  😉

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