I quit smoking, again

I have quit smoking so many times in my life that I have honestly lost count.  I have tried everything too.  The gum tasted like I was chewing on a burned out butt.  The patches gave me horrendous nightmares and skin rashes.  The lozenges tasted like I was sucking on a burned out butt, and for over a year I smoked these herbal cigarettes from a health food store.  Those were pretty weird.  Nothing had ever lasted long, and I have always gone back to the cigarettes.  Not because I enjoy smoking, but because cigarettes have just always been around me.  My father smoked, my siblings all smoke, my husband smokes.  Each time I reach for a cigarette after I have quit I can hear Jackie boy whispering in my head “Nobody ever really quits. A smoker’s a smoker when the chips are down. And your chips are down.” I feel haunted by them!

Over the past 10 years smoking has become socially unacceptable, and that only turned me into a closet smoker.  Where Monday through Friday I smoked only after I was home, and I would only smoke in my garage.  I kept all of my paraphernalia hidden, and I tried to mask the odor on me with perfumes, hand sanitizers, lotions and gum.  I never wanted anyone to know about my dirty little secret, and all of my shame.  I never wanted my children to know that Mommy was a smoker.

I have always encouraged my husband to quit smoking with me each time I have tried, but he always gave me the same excuse.  He is an adult that enjoys smoking, and had no desire to quit.  What am I even supposed to say to that?  I suppose that he may be right.  I mean if that is how he wants to live his life, then who am I to tell him otherwise?  But I am afraid all of that changed once we had our children.

I think the new anti-smoking campaigns are great but this commercial on television that shows you the truly ugly side of cigarettes had our oldest son worried about Dad and his smoking.  He came to me crying one night that Dad was going to die after he had listened to a commercial where a woman with a tracheotomy described how she has to now avoid drowning in her shower, thanks to cigarettes.  I was not trying to guilt my husband into quitting, but I decided that I have had enough and I was no longer going to shelter him from all of this guilt that I carry.  I never gave my husband an ultimatum, but I asked him to quit with me because he’s never even tried, and to my surprise he agreed.  I let him choose the date, and it came and went without any progress.  I decided to try another tactic.

We were out shopping one day when I asked him to stop at a Vape Shop.  We had both entered the shop skeptical because Marlboro had been sending us free coupons for the new E-cigs, and neither one of us liked them.  An hour later we both left with a new Vape pen, juice, coils and a punch card.  I am proud to tell you that today it has been 37 days since we started Vaping and neither one of us has picked up a cigarette, yet.  The chips have been down a LOT lately too, and to my surprise The Vape has been enough!  My kids see me puffing on this electronic device and exhaling a cloud of vapor so I had to open up about my addiction and explain what I was doing.  I am thankful for the opportunity to explain things to my oldest, and I can only pray that he will remember our struggle if he is ever offered a smoke or considering to try one.  I told him with all honesty something a grown up never told me about cigarettes, and that is once you start you will no longer have a choice, you WILL end up addicted.


To be continued…..


6 thoughts on “I quit smoking, again

  1. I know you posted this well over a month ago, but I simply had to comment. My husband and I switched to vaping two years ago and haven’t looked back since. I was actually the reluctant one, I didn’t see how it could possibly help. Boy was I ever surprised. We’re now what some call “enthusiastic” vapers (we have high (too many) end mods, build our own coils, make our own juice, etc, it’s actually pretty fun!) Our kids think its amusing too, when we’re in the kitchen mixing new juice flavors and they wander in they go “oh, you’re playing mad scientist again”. Anyways, I just wanted to congratulate you on switching, its so hard at first, but it really is so much better.


    1. Thank you again, Christy! I am still vaping, but I haven’t moved on from what I started with and that is just my eGo One with the .5 coils and the same juice I started with. I have purchased a lot of different types of juices but I can’t seem to get away from what I started with. I honestly wanted to write another story about the whole Vape World, and how silly and old I feel inside of it most days. I am still a closet smoker even though I vape! I only vape in my car (25+ mile commute) and I find myself hiding it in traffic, etc. It is such odd behavior, but at least it’s working for me! Hubby is back sliding a bit, but I am trying to not be a nag about it either.


      1. You’d be surprised how common it is now, I think. This year while handing out candy for halloween I saw no less than 6 parents vaping on my sidewalk, and we only got 8 or 10 groups of kids with parents tagging along. No reason to feel old, either. Most of the vapers who are “famous” on youtube and do reviews and such are older, and hubby and I aren’t exactly teens anymore either (I’m 31, and he’s 9 years older). I still stick with my original flavor “profile” too, though I’ve modified it a bit, the higher end devices tend to let you taste the different aspects of the flavors better; my favorite is watermelon candy, which on an ego just tastes sweet, but in a kanger tank it tastes just like the little sugar coated candies. Ack, this is turning into a book!


      2. Mmmm, watermelon candy!!!!! I am withholding the name of my juice for now, but only because I want to write a story about how awkward it is to order. LOL! It is caramel vanilla with tobacco undertones. Will need to check out the other side of the vape world. Thanks again!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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