A letter never sent

My parents never should have married one another.  Looking back from the start of their relationship I can say they both were probably aware all along how wrong they were for one another.  Mom always tried to force it and make it work out, and I know that we were the reason that she stayed with him, until the day he finally decided to leave her.  It always seemed like Dad was pushing her because he too was also afraid of leaving.  Neither one of them wanted to be blamed for a broken family.  I understand, and I still do.  I only wish that Mom would have had the courage to leave him sooner.

I can’t ever remember Mom being happy. She was always tight-lipped with limbs pulled in close, and crouched upon a kitchen chair in the corner.  If you looked closely enough you could sometimes see the tears she had been hiding from us all.  I never even knew my Mom until years after my Dad had left her.  It seemed like such a waste of her life.  All of that time she gave to him.  I was raised knowing that you could have the rug pulled out from underneath you at any time by the one person that promised to love you forever.  After 22 years of marriage Dad left Mom for her best friend.

I wish I could go back sometimes to 1988.  Back to the day before his accident, the day that changed all of our lives forever.  I wish I could have warned them both, that they needed to end their marriage before they permanently damaged one another, and their children.  That sometimes it’s okay to be selfish and make choices for your own happiness, and that somehow we would all end up alright.

Guilt was the reason that she stayed with Dad even after his accident.  If she had left him then I know we would have all understood, but I don’t know if she could have lived with herself.  I wish that I could forgive you both for the permanent damage you caused to one another, and I wish you could each find a way to just be happy in your new lives.  

Day 8: Writing 101

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*That’s me in the red pants, with my siblings.

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