If we were having coffee right now….

….I know all I would want to do is tell you all about my morning.

Monday’s are always the worst for me, but I can’t seem to figure out exactly why.  There is nothing satisfying that comes with all that Monday morning brings.  But maybe I am just always setting myself up for a big let down.  Maybe I am always wanting the weekends to feel as thought they lasted as long as the work week.  That ain’t ever going to happen, so why do I keep doing this to myself?

I am impossible to satisfy.

I would like to talk about the Mega dose of Monday Morning Mommy Guilt that I have been administering ever since I last saw my boys.  How I am really mad at myself for allowing the clock, and my brain to control my temper.  I was weak in the moment, and I hate myself for it.  It will take me over 8 hours to digest it all.  During that time I begin to clearly see what an awful creature I am.  The awful creature that was reflected back from inside of those beautiful eyes.

I really hate the things that I spat out to the little one in that desperate moment of Mommy-needs-to-get-the-eff-out-the-door!  I saw it in his big blue eyes when he stared back at me.  He is confused, and I, a complete monster.  I could draw you the expression on his face just from memory, as I have had it playing on a loop ever since 7:09 am.  He is so wonderful, and I miss him terribly.  I wish I could turn the clock back so that I can undo all of these mistakes.  I wish I could be better, for them.

Day 11: Writing 101

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4 thoughts on “If we were having coffee right now….

  1. My human says she completely understands. There were times… and it’s ok to feel frustrated. She would apologize to her boys later and let them talk about how it made them feel and discuss others way to deal with anger. Trick is to first learn about the other ways. You are not a monster, you are just… human. Monsters don’t try to change, humans do. =^,,^=

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Being a Mommy is the most amazing and wonderful job we can have. It’s also the hardest and most frustrating. We’re not perfect, regardless of how hard we try. But, we have to keep on trying.

    Liked by 1 person

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