….I know all I would want to do is tell you all about my morning.
Monday’s are always the worst for me, but I can’t seem to figure out exactly why. There is nothing satisfying that comes with all that Monday morning brings. But maybe I am just always setting myself up for a big let down. Maybe I am always wanting the weekends to feel as thought they lasted as long as the work week. That ain’t ever going to happen, so why do I keep doing this to myself?
I am impossible to satisfy.
I would like to talk about the Mega dose of Monday Morning Mommy Guilt that I have been administering ever since I last saw my boys. How I am really mad at myself for allowing the clock, and my brain to control my temper. I was weak in the moment, and I hate myself for it. It will take me over 8 hours to digest it all. During that time I begin to clearly see what an awful creature I am. The awful creature that was reflected back from inside of those beautiful eyes.
I really hate the things that I spat out to the little one in that desperate moment of Mommy-needs-to-get-the-eff-out-the-door! I saw it in his big blue eyes when he stared back at me. He is confused, and I, a complete monster. I could draw you the expression on his face just from memory, as I have had it playing on a loop ever since 7:09 am. He is so wonderful, and I miss him terribly. I wish I could turn the clock back so that I can undo all of these mistakes. I wish I could be better, for them.
Day 11: Writing 101