I seriously hate my life at the moment, and I cannot believe I just typed that out loud.

What is wrong with me?

Why am I wired this way?

Why can’t I focus on the positive in my life instead of wallowing in my own self pity?

I have been dreaming about my river, again.  It terrifies me to think I might know what it actually means.  It’s being self aware that I am more than halfway through this life, in this body.  It’s knowing that I could have done more in certain aspects of my life, and it may already be too late.  It’s watching my sons growing sometimes literally right before my eyes, and the uncomfortability that I have with it all.

Sometimes I think that I can feel the earth turning.  It is so unsettling.  That realization of just how small I truly am often frightens me.  I am terrified that one day I may fall, so far that I will never return be able to return again.



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